My first week here.

The realization of becoming a full-time missionary has never hit me harder than it has in this first week of moving to Durham, Canada. Moving away from my family and the comforts of living at home are hard to leave. Being here in Canada has created fear, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty. I fear that I’m not ready to make such a big move in my life and say that I’m ready to enter into a mission organization full-time! I feel inadequate to cook for my self, let alone for a family (if I ever have one). I have anxiety that my needs won’t get met; like needed a hug once in awhile, or wanting to cry with my mom sometimes. But after going through my list with the Lord, He reminded me of who He was and what His role is in my life. He reminded me that abiding in Him means recognizing that I have everything I need through Him and that it is Him who brings those to Him through a person who is nothing (God plus nothing). He is the one that has brought me through my hearing loss and the trials that came from that. He has revealed Himself and His love and grace to me in Romania and as well in Papua New Guinea. Looking back at my life and thinking about where I would be if I never trusted the Lord and never went to places that scared me, then I wouldn’t be the woman that only God has formed me to be. God and I have had our ups and downs and He has been the faithful one throughout my life so far; and knowing that, I can take a deep breath and recognize that He will continue to do the same. God has been encouraging me with the book of Lamentations. In chapter 3:22-23 “The Lord’s lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness,” and verses 55-58 “I called on Your name, O Lord, out of the lowest pit. You have heard my voice, do not hide Your ear from my prayer for relief, from my cry for help. You drew near when I called on You; You said, “Do not fear!” O Lord, you have pleaded my soul’s cause; You have redeemed my life.” As I was crying in my room over leaving my family and fearing whether or not I’m ready for such a big step in my life, God comforted me with His Word and I was encouraged to know that He will take care of me.